Bjorn Shen is a busy chef with 3 kids. Here’s his advice for working parents

Parents who work long or irregular hours can still develop close relationships with their children by being emotionally present, dependable and consistent, Assistant Professor Cheung Hoi Shan from NIE’s Psychology and Child & Human Development Department told The Straits Times.

The article featured chef and restaurant owner Bjorn Shen and his wife, Roxanne Toh, who have built family routines around the demands of the food and beverage industry. Although Shen’s working hours often overlap with his children’s time outside school, the family stays connected through voice messages, school runs and dedicated time together on his days off.

Asst Prof Cheung advised parents to move away from asking how they can compensate for time missed. Instead, they should consider how they can remain emotionally connected and consistent during the time available to them.

Children generally do not require frequent treats or elaborate experiences, she explained. Strong parent-child relationships are developed through repeated moments in which children feel noticed, understood and valued.

For younger children, parents should explain work-related absences in simple and reassuring terms. They can tell their child when they will next spend time together and emphasise that work does not diminish their love for the child. With primary school children, parents can be transparent about work and family responsibilities without burdening them with adult anxieties.

Asst Prof Cheung also recommended creating small, predictable rituals of connection. These could include a special goodbye routine, a short voice message, a bedtime story, a shared meal or 10 to 15 minutes of uninterrupted conversation. Parents should set aside phone-free periods, listen attentively and allow their children to guide the interaction.

She cautioned against “guilt parenting”, where parents relax boundaries, permit excessive screen time or purchase gifts to compensate for their absence. Children need both warmth and structure. Consistent routines and clear boundaries help younger children feel secure, while preventing older children from learning to associate parental guilt with additional privileges.

Asst Prof Cheung also encouraged parents to view childcare leave as an opportunity to strengthen relationships, rather than reserving it solely for errands or illness. Meaningful time together need not involve elaborate plans. Parents could accompany younger children to the library, join them in unhurried play, work on a shared project with older children or attend important school events.

Ultimately, the quality of a parent’s attention can matter more than the number of hours spent together. Even brief but regular moments of genuine connection can reassure children that their parents understand them, care about their experiences and want to be part of their lives.

The original article can be found here.