Alumni Profile: From One Oath to Another

By Edwin Ong, Assistant Director, Communications and Outreach

Every student takes the doctor’s oath during the five years of study at LKCMedicine. Some students happened to have taken another oath… in marriage! It is no secret that amidst the blood, sweat and tears, love may well blossom amongst the young and passionate hearts – as shown by more than a few wedding photoshoots that have taken place on campus.

But it is also well-known that doctors have hectic, irregular schedules. As romantic as the notion is, how do doctor couples make it work? We speak to Drs Stewart Retnam and Ang Jia Wei from the Class of 2018 who tied the knot in August 2024 to find out more.

What are your current job roles now?

Stewart: Jia Wei is an NUHS Emergency Medicine Junior Resident, while I am an NHG Infectious Diseases Senior Resident.

How did you two get to know each other in School? Can you share what made the sparks fly?

Stewart: Though we met and became friends at the start of medical school, we were not close, and had our respective group of friends. We were put into the same TBL (Team-Based Learning) group and clinical group in Year 3 but again remained nothing more than friends then. It was only during our Year 4 overseas elective at Imperial College London did we get to know each other well. Jia Wei had arranged accommodations in a townhouse with some friends, and they were looking for one last person to take up the remaining room in the house. They ended up asking me. I thought it was my great company that made them reach out, though much later they confessed that it was my cooking and baking skills that were much sought after!

After spending time hanging out as a group, I really enjoyed Jia Wei's company and thought she had a great personality. So I started to ask her out, and after spending more time with each other, she felt the same way. 

What made the sparks fly? We think it's a combination of the magic of London with all its musicals, beautiful countryside walks, good food, our housemates and friends who were encouraging in the matter, and of course our own chemistry!

Many of our students find their life partners within the School. What do you think is the magic behind these unions?

Both: Entering the medical fraternity comes with many privileges, but in some ways its countless idiosyncrasies. The lingo, overnight calls, unique interactions and relationships we have with patients and fellow colleagues, can all make it challenging for non-medics to relate to. Having a life partner who understands these things definitely makes it easier for the couple to connect. Moreover, going through medical school is a challenging experience and certainly the shared hardship builds strong relationships of all kinds!

Tell us about the pros and cons of being doctors in marriage. 

Stewart: It is easy for both individuals to relate to each other's day at work, work challenges and follow conversations when we meet with our other medical friends, in which the conversation frequently pivots toward medical related topics or goings-on. As a result, it is also easier for us to understand and support each other when either one of us faces work-related challenges. We get to tap on each other's expertise at work.

However, doctors frequently work long hours, and this can make it difficult for couples to spend time together. Exhausted from work, couples may find it more difficult to spend quality time together with their loved one. 

Jia Wei: Shift-based specialties can also make it challenging to spend time together. For example, on some weeks, Stewart may work from 7:30am to 6pm while my shift may be from 4pm to 11pm. Also, weekends and public holidays are working days for shift-based specialties, and these are usually the popular days for friends or family gatherings. It is often difficult to go on leave for a long period together. In many trainee postings, we can only apply for leave one month before a new three-month posting starts. This makes it really challenging to plan leave/trips beforehand and obtain air tickets at reasonable prices! Leave slots per day are also frequently limited. This means that there is a need to deconflict with others hoping to take leave, and a cap on the number of days per month is present when training.

What makes your marriage tick?

Stewart: An appreciation for the simple things in life, like being able to spend time together and with family, enjoying a cup of freshly brewed coffee, an afternoon of window shopping together, amongst others. 

A healthy dose of laughter helps too! We are never too serious about things, hence we don't take ourselves too seriously and love a good laugh even if it is at our own expense. We are both quite optimistic and easy-going, so we try not to take setbacks too hard or dwell on things too pessimistically, often looking on the bright side of life. Patience and respect for each other, and a shared belief that we can get through everything together is essential too.

Doctors have to manage busy schedules. How do you make time for each other?

Jia Wei: Making an effort to synchronise our schedules as much as possible helps. For instance, Stewart schedules his overnight calls on the same night as my night shifts so that we can spend the next day together. 

Prioritising service needs and projects by finishing up what needs to be done today, and leaving the rest for tomorrow instead of staying back and sacrificing quality time together is another way we attempt to make time for each other.

Despite these efforts, it can still be difficult to make time for one another. One guiding principle to help us remember what is important to us is that life is short and so our time together can never be too valuable.

What advice would you give to budding ‘doctor couples’?

Stewart: Enjoy medical school! You may not realise it now but there is much more time to date and spend time together while in medical school, than there is once you start working. Study in moderation and don't forget to live life outside of the classroom. 

Jia Wei: Look after your relationship once you start working. The first few years of work are frequently taxing on many relationships given big changes in schedules. Some of the challenges one may face include a steep learning curve, long working hours, being exhausted at the end of each day, having to work weekends, and difficulties taking leave on the same days. Anticipate them, look out for each other during challenging periods, and remember that things get better with time and experience.

Stewart: Plan your schedules together! Synchronising your call requests/blocks, weekend rounds and leave dates will give you more time together and less time away from each other.

How has LKCMedicine prepared you for your careers thus far?

Stewart: LKCMedicine's education gave us a solid base of medical knowledge, strong communication skills with both patients and fellow healthcare workers, and a robust grounding in other essential aspects such as procedural skills, professionalism and ethics. These let us hit the ground running right from the get-go and gave us a strong foundation for further training and development in residency programmes or otherwise.

Jia Wei: Perhaps the biggest takeaway from medical school was the many sessions spent on refining our communications skills. It is hard to overstate the importance of being empathetic, sensitive and compassionate in the many conversations we have had and continue to have with patients.