Congratulations for getting a room in a Hall of Residence at NTU! Most of you will be sharing it with another student. For some of you this may be a totally new experience as you have always been having a room to yourself.
Even siblings have differences when they share a room; so what more when you are living with another student who is likely to have different lifestyle, values and beliefs from yours. To have an amicable and successful roommate relationship, it is important that both of you learn to communicate, compromise and resolve conflicts.
Tips for Establishing and Maintaining a Good Roommate Relationship
a. Be proactive. Share something about yourself which you are comfortable to talk about with your roommate. Below are some examples.
i. Personal information: Family, likes and dislikes, hobbies, etc.
ii. Study concern: Usual study time, place, the level noise you can tolerate when studying, the grades you hope to achieve.
iii. Lifestyle: An early bird or a night owl, organised or spontaneous.
iv. Emotional expression: How do you let others know when you are upset, angry, depressed? How do you react under pressure? What are the things that upset you?
b.Be patient. While your roommate is more likely to reciprocate when you are open about yourself, he or she may need time to warm up to you and feel comfortable about personal sharing.
c. Let your roommate know what your needs are and ask about her/his needs.
d. Do not expect your roommate to be your best friend and that you can do everything with the person.
e. Be open and tolerant to different lifestyle and values. Remind yourself that while you may feel irritable about some of your roommate's habits or things he or she does, your roommate may feel likewise too.
f. Be willing to listen calmly, respectfully, and without interrupting when your roommate is talking.
g. Focus on understanding your roommate's concern without judging him or her.
h. Establish an agreement with your roommate right from the start. You may have reservations about this especially if your communication style tends to be more indirect. But treat it as a practice as you will need to learn to do this throughout your life (Especially when you are getting married!) To achieve this you need to be willing to negotiate and compromise. Examples of areas to be agreed on are:
i. Quiet time for both parties
ii. Guidelines for guests (E.g. number and gender of guests)
iii. Guest visiting hours
iv. Housekeeping (E.g. how to divide chores)
v. Personal space (The space that the other person should not intrude upon, e.g. bed, study area, etc.)
vi. Personal cleanliness and tidiness
vii. Personal habits including use of radio, TV, etc.
viii. Personal property (E.g. borrowing of personal property)
ix. How to discuss problems or unhappiness
x. Any other concerns
i. Respect each other's rights to:
i. a clean living environment;
ii· privacy and personal space;
iii· personal property; &
iv· a quiet environment for sleep and study.
If you are having problems with your roommate, consider seeing a counsellor at the NTU Student Counselling Centre. To make an appointment, contact the Counselling Centre at 67904462 or email SCC@ntu.edu.sg.
