How to make friends?
Friends provide status, support, fun, ideas and much more! They are often our first source of practical help, advice and information.
- Resist the urge to withdraw from people, do not isolate. When you want to make new friends, you have to put yourself out there, even if you feel shy. Sitting in your room is the worst thing to do. It sounds scary, but you should try to force yourself to say hello to people at any opportunity. Even the queue for registration is a good place to form friendships. If you smile and look friendly and interested, you will put other people at their ease.
- Just introduce yourself. Be interested in others and be a good listener.
- Practice your social skills by making a daily effort to always sit beside someone in lectures and say hello to them, and get involved in class discussions. Speak to others: Say "hello" or "good morning." Ask how they are doing and be willing to hear their responses.
- Genuinely care about others. A caring person attracts friends. Friends flee from people who care about nothing but themselves. Just be your natural jovial self and be nice.
- Look at others' inner qualities. It is probably easier to like someone who is good-looking than someone who is not attractive. However, it is really the inner self of someone that is most important. So look for and befriend those whose inner qualities you admire or like. If you are unsure if a particular person is whom you would like to be friends with, just continue the relationship. It is always fine to have some acquaintances.
- Be prepared that the person might say no and do not take this as a personal rejection. Starting new friendships involves taking a risk in that you are risking a rejection. If someone is not interested in making friends with you beyond an acquaintance level it is not necessarily a judgment about you. They may already have some friends and not feel the need or have the time to develop new friends. It is easy to fall prey to negative self-talk, such as- "There's something wrong with me," or "I'm the only one who feels like this." Think positive and be confident. The more you try, the greater your chances of finding new friends.
- Introduce people you have met to other people and ask to meet your friends' friends. The more people you meet, the greater your chances of finding the few that will become your closest friends.
- Keep your room door open when you are in and do not mind being disturbed—you will be welcoming conversation and your hall mates might stop by.
- Make a commitment to be a friend to yourself first and foremost, and see this as something you are doing to meet your needs and take care of yourself. Become comfortable to be with yourself and do things by yourself too. Find your balance between solitude and socialising. This will help you be your natural self rather than coming across as needy or desperate, or just being overly dependent on the need to have friends to have a life.
- Get involved in sport, music, art, religion or clubs on campus - these are great places to meet people. The sport or activity provides a natural icebreaker to overcome any initial awkwardness. In clubs you will find other like-minded people who could be potential friends. Talking will come naturally because you will know you already have lots in common to talk about. Join activities in and out of NTU such as:
- Orientation activities
- NTU Student Union and student organisation activities
- Hall events
- Church or religious groups
- Evening recreational classes
- Cultural events or activities
How to maintain friendships?
- Listen to your friends with your undivided attention. Give your friends empathy, not sympathy. Empathy shows understanding.
- Do not just use your friends to ventilate your problems and worries. Include them to share the good times too.
- Be yourself. Always be yourself no matter what. With a friend, you should be able to be relaxed and be more yourself. You should not have to mask some character trait or do a particular thing just to please them. They should accept you as who you are without teasing or ridiculing you.
- Be there for your friends. Always be willing to listen to them. Be interested in their lives, their concerns, and their general well-being. Do not yawn when they talk unless you really have been deprived of sleep during the last few nights! Give them all the time they need because relationships do take time.
- Be willing to share your thoughts with your friends. It is important to overcome the fear of baring yourself. Tell them about your life, your recent experiences, and your innermost thoughts. This is what friendship means—to share with others your thoughts, to accompany them in various explorations and activities in life, and to be caring and sympathetic to their needs and concerns. Of course, you should always try to treat everyone this way, but with friends, you take it one level deeper.
- Recognise and accept that the nature of your friendship with your friend may change with time. An example of this is, if your friend has just started going steady with a boy or a girl. Your friend may not be able to spend as much time with you. It does not mean that the friendship need end; it may mean that both of you may need to talk and work out how to get your friendship needs met in view of this change in your friend's life.
